What differentiates us from younger selves?

What differentiates a boy from a man is his Gentleness and Kindness. He is gentle and kind when he could have used his strength. He suggests even though he could have commanded. He asks even though he could have just taken. He gives more than he thinks about taking. He respects her more than he demands his own.

That’s a man to keep. To aspire to be one. To be thankful for the one you have.

———–

What differentiates a girl from a woman is her Care and Sacrifice. She does more than he could ask. She gives all she has, even forgetting herself sometimes even though she doesn’t need to. She commits to improving everything around her, including herself, even though he is pleased with her.

That’s a woman to keep. To aspire to be one. To be thankful for the one you have.

Have you told him today…?

You love your husband because of his commitment to the deen.

But have you recently told him what exactly about his deen that impresses you and makes you respect him everyday?

He prays salaah, all 5 of them regularly. But have you told him how much you admire him for praying salaah on time today?

Have you told him how much his respect in your eyes increases because he goes out of his way to avoid his friends that aren’t good for his deen? How he avoids sitting with those that drink alcohol or smoke, even though he himself never would?

Have you told him, how much you appreciate the respect he gives to his parents and siblings, because he is being an excellent example to your own kids?

Have you told him how you admire his excellent character, his willingness to help random people on the street, as much as his dedication to paying zakah every year?

Have you appreciated him for at least be willing and having the intention to do a certain good deed, even if he doesn’t end up doing it?

Tell him. Let him know how his love for Allah makes you love him more. He needs that reassurance. You need it too. A way to remind both of you of the reason why you came together in the first place.

Being nicer hurts less..

Logic makes sense. It also hurts.

If you are making a logical, practical decision, please be gentle explaining it to your loved ones.

Moving to another country because of better job prospects is logical, it will also hurt your parents so be gentle in breaking the news.

Getting married to a guy outside of your culture because he is better in his deen may be logical, but it wont be easy on your family. Be nicer to them.

Working longer hours to provide more for your family is logical, but it will also hurt your wife who will miss you more. Be gentle with her.

Logic makes sense. It also hurts. Being nicer hurts less.

Showing respect when addressing our spouses…

It is reported that the wife of Imam Sa’id b. Al-Musayyib – Allah have mercy on him – said: “We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allah keep you right!”, “May Allah keep you well!”

Abu Nu’aym [Hilyatu Al-Awliya` 5:198]

A ‘Thank You’ goes a long way…

Women may not say this often but we are attracted to politeness. Talking to us in a courteous and respectful tone scores really high points on our ‘mental scoring board’! Before AND after marriage.

The way a man feels attracted to a beautiful woman and his heartbeat is raised when he looks at her, the same way politeness captivates a woman and pulls her towards such a man. Its impact is more felt than can be said.

This may not be commonly expressed but when we are searching for a spouse, women have a scoring board (more often in our heads!) with points dedicated to different aspects of compatibility. While things like a man’s ability to provide financially, his deen, his education and family and various other practical aspects are crucial, softer skills such as politeness and gentlemanlike behaviour is equally important. While many men display this excellence when courting sisters before marriage, may Allah reward them, some no longer try this after marriage with their wives. Holding the car doors for us or waiting for us to join you at the dinner table before you start eating, is something we still highly admire regardless of the many years of marriage.

When you ask us to do something for you, adding a ‘please’ with a ‘thank you’ may not seem like a biggie for you…but for us – it makes all the difference. If you ask any wife in a successful marriage the secret behind her feeling appreciated and admire by her husband, it will always come down to how he notices and acknowledges her efforts through positive words of graciousness.

If its been a while, since you wooed your wife and dazzled her with your thoughtfulness and respect, try it today. The smile she will give you once she realises it, will be worth it. After all, thats all you ever wanted. To make her happy. To be reason for her smile.

Enjoy her dreams with her…

Men, do you notice how your wife is always involved in what you are doing? When you are changing the light bulb, or fixing the fridge – she is holding and passing the tools to you as if and when you need them?She has no idea about the rules of football, or the series match in cricket; yet she asks you about it? She doesn’t know whether a Ferrari or a Porsche has the highest Horsepower, or what it really is (I dont know either – really!), yet she sits there watching a TV show about cars? You might not have given it enough attention to notice that she isn’t just in the background when you are indulging in your hobbies and interests but she actively is there. With you.

Can you say the same, my dear brother?